Sadness

Do you ever have those moments of complete and total sadness... like things are just closing in on you and there is a sense of hopelessness. It is kind of like a deep, black hole opens up and swallows you right in. You want to push it away, but no matter what you do, it is all you can think about. It consumes your thoughts and actions. Helpless. It is a feeling that sweeps over you like a giant wave and takes all your breath away. Fighting back is difficult and you just kind of ride along and see where it takes you. Finally, you resurface and you wonder if things will be better or if there is another wave on the way. You pray.

This is how I feel tonight. I am overwhelmed I suppose. Something not generally in my nature. I am usually the one that seeks to find the good times and laughs out loud a lot, but somehow that has been pushed aside and I am finding it more and more difficult to find those times. I suppose it is because I have high expectations. Things build up and finally it all gives way. Just one little thing pushes you beyond the ability to keep it all in check. It isn't always fair and it isn't always easy. Wish I could be different and wish I had a magic wand, but I guess neither of these is going to happen. For now, I will continue my search for whatever it is that is missing. I thought I had figured it out and then it seems to move farther away. It seems out of my control.